 | Accent: An unusual manner
of pronunciation, eg: "Y'all sang that real good!" |
| Accidentals: Wrong notes.
|
| Ad Libitum: A premiere. |
| Agitato: A string
player's state of mind when a peg slips in the middle of a piece. |
| Agnus Dei: A woman
composer famous for her church music. |
| Altered Chord: A sonority
that has been spayed. |
| Attaca: "Fire at
will!" |
| Augmented Fifth: A
36-ounce bottle. |
| Bar Line: A gathering of
people, usually among which may be found a musician or two. |
| Beat: What music students
to do each other with their musical instruments. The down beat is performed on the top of
the head, while the up beat is struck under the chin. |
| Bravo: Literally, How
bold! or What nerve! This is a spontaneous expression of appreciation on the part of the
concert goer after a particularly trying performance. |
| Breve: The way a
sustained note sounds when a violinist runs out of bow. |
| Cadence:
- The short nickname of a rock group whose full name is Cadence
Clearwater Revival.
- When everybody hopes you're going to stop, but you don't. (Final
Cadence: when they FORCE you to stop.)
|
| Cantus Firmus: The part
you get when you can only play four notes. |
| Chord: Usually spelled
with an "s" on the end, means a particular type of pants, eg: "He wears
chords." |
| Chromatic Scale: An
instrument for weighing that indicates half-pounds. |
| Clef:
- If a student cannot sing, he may have an affliction of the
palate, called a clef.
- Something to jump from if you can't sing and you have to
teach elementary school.
|
| Coloratura Soprano: A
singer who has great trouble finding the proper note, but who has a wild time hunting for
it. |
| Compound Meter: A place
to park your car that requires two dimes. |
| Duple Meter: May take any
even number of coins. |
| Triple Meter: Only rich
people should park by these. |
| Meter Signature: The name
of the maid who writes you a ticket when you put an odd number of coins in a duple meter. |
| Conduct: The type of air
vents in a prison, especially designed to prevent escape. Could also be installed for
effective use in a practice room. |
| Conductor: A musician who
is adept at following many people at the same time. |
| Counterpoint: A favorite
device of many Baroque composers, all of whom are dead, though no direct connection
between these two facts has been established. Still taught in many schools, as a form of
punishment. |
| Countertenor: A singing
waiter. |
| Crescendo: A reminder to
the performer that he has been playing too loudly. |
| Cut Time: When you're
going twice as fast as everyone else in the orchestra. |
| Detache: An indication
that the trombones are to play with the slides removed. |
| Discord: Not to be
confused with Datcord. |
| Dominant: An adjective
used to describe the voice of a child who sings off key. |
| Duration: Can be used to
describe how long a music teacher can exercise self-control. |
| English Horn: Neither
English nor a horn, not to be confused with the French Horn, which is German. |
| Espressivo: Close eyes
and play with a wide vibrato. |
| Fermata: A brand of
girdle made especially for opera singers. |
| Flat: This is what
happens to a tonic if it sits too long in the open air. |
| Flute: A sophisticated
pea shooter with a range of up to 500 yards, blown transversely to confuse the enemy. |
| Form:
- The shape of a composition.
- The shape of the musician playing the composition.
- The peices of paper to be filled out in triplicate in order
to get enough money from the Arts Council to play the composition.
|
| Glissando:
- The musical equivalent of slipping on a banana peel.
- A technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.
|
| Half Step: The pace used
by a cellist when carrying his instrument. |
| Harmonic Minor: A good
music student. |
| Harmony: A corn-like food
eaten by people with accents (see above for definition of accent). |
| Hemiola: A hereditary
blood disease caused by chromatics. |
| Heroic Tenor: A singer
who gets by on sheer nerve and tight clothing. |
| Lamentoso: With
handkerchiefs. |
| Major Triad: The name of
the head of the Music Department. |
| Minor Triad: the name of
the wife of the head of the Music Department. |
| Mean-Tone Temperament: One's
state of mind when everybody's trying to tune at the same time. |
| Modulation: "Nothing
is bad in modulation." |
| Music: |
| Tempo: This is where a
headache begins. |
| Tone Cluster: A chordal
orgy first discovered by a well-endowed woman pianist leaning forward for a page turn. |
| Tonic: Medicinal liquid
to be consumed before, during, or after a performance. |
| Diatonic: This is what
happens to some musicians. |
| Transposition: The act of
moving the relative pitch of a piece of music that is too low for the basses to a point
where it is too high for the sopranos. |
| Trill: The musical
equivalent of an epileptic seizure. |
| Triplet: One of three
children, born to one mother very closely in time. If a composer uses a lot of triplets he
has probably been taking a fertility drug. |
| Vibrato: Used by singers
to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch. |
| Virtuoso: A musician with
very high morals. |
